You win, CTates, you win…

White-House-Down-043SR: CTates can be my protection detail any time… words I never thought I’d say, ever.

Starring: Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Woods, Richard Jenkins

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Written by James Vanderbilt

 Action, drama, thriller. 2hr 11mins. M for violence and offensive language.


OK, Channing Tatum, you win. After watching White House Down despite my misgivings, your gooberish charm and, frankly, masterful physicality have won me over.

You are weirdly compelling and you can actually carry a big budget action extravaganza. You might even be a little bit cool. Please don’t tell my friends I said that.

I don’t know why watching you play a struggling dad who means well but craps out a lot (Maggie Gyllenhal says it’s because you’ve got no staying power, although, thankfully wasn’t a pick up line) was so believable, because usually you are quite wooden. No offence.

But you were good here, failing to get a job in the secret service and getting caught out in a lie by the President (played by Jaime Foxx who should actually be President one day, just saying) and then somehow ending up the only guy in the White House with a gun who isn’t staging a coup.

Um… lets just hand wave over that bit, because it’s an action film and no one really cares when  ridiculous things happen in action films – it’s called pacing.

To be honest, the way you strove to do your duty to your kid and your country while Jason Clarke kept trying to blow your brains out was pretty endearing. It kind of made up for Roland Emmerich’s weird conspiracy theory thing leaking in again. At least he didn’t blame aliens this time. (Roll on ID FOREVER!)

So, yeah, this film you produced – this fun, better looking version of Olympus Has Fallen – is  pretty cool  – combining great, high octane action set pieces with a tight script and some fun characters.

And although you’re a bit too youthful and buff to be a true John Maclean replacement, I particularly liked its fresh take on the beloved trope of the likeable-screw-up-cum-total-badass.

You do look great in a grubby tank top though, so there’s that. I really like your arms. (Though I am starting to hate myself.)

Anyway, I’m just gonna own that White House Down is possibly one the most entertaining visits to the multiplex I’ve had all year. So thank you.  But if you tell anyone I said it, I’ll deny it.

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